Posted by our dear member, Mikki:
Hi dear Chatzos sisters!!
Here we are BH Thursday evening (in my time zone) and I’m sitting down to read some Chatzos emails for motivation to keep going.
I came across the email about personality traits. And I laughed. Thinking back to my mother (type a) calling me a type z (not b or c…..the furthest letter from a)
And then I read the thread…. And saw what Azriela wrote:
I remember a dear member who has been here a long while joining chatzos and calling herself “type Z” , and the farthest from organized for shabbos that one could be. She joined chatzos because she knew that she needed the discpline of it to help her get a better handle on shabbos planning.
And that’s me!!
And I smiled a very bitter sweet smile because when I joined years ago I wished to become less of a type z.
And I tried.
Lists and white boards and planning.
And it worked.
But it was exhausting….
So we’d get to Chatzos and things were calm but I wasn’t so happy…..
And then I began to slip away from Chatzos because I felt like it just didn’t fit me
Sort of like I hear from some women on the line.
What I want to share with you is that it IS for everyone.
No matter what type of personality kavod shabbos is for us all.
No matter if you are a type a, b or type 937!!, welcoming shabbos with simcha and with anticipation is for us all.
The method is what we need to look at.
Please ladies, when we read an Email from a type a person who has lists and plans and seems to breathe organization don’t get *frightened* away from making YOUR own Chatzos.
And if you need those tools then try them out and make them your own.
After Chatzosing and BH coming happy and proudly and calmly to shabbos and then doing the sliding into shabbos with dripping hair and crying children and frustrated husband and plotzing after candles and feeling pretty lousy, I chose Chatzos.
Does that mean every single week it’s perfect by Chatzos
On my life, with my personality I must leave myself room for differences. One week like this is ok and one week like that is a mistake but it’s also ok.
If I were to make myself have it perfect I would give up. If I told my self I will do it this way no matter what forever- I’d fail. Tremendously.
So every week I do something for shabbos every day.
Almost every week (like really 98%) my table is ready Thursday night.
Friday after Chatzos nothing new ever gets made.
These are my Chatzos “rules” And it BH works for ME and my family.
The rest is up for adjustment each week.
Some weeks I have much less time throughout the week so my shabbos moment may be only sorting laundry or only cleaning half a bathroom (randomly) or anything small.
Some days I have more time so I cook ahead of i have the ingredients and bake stuff to freeze. Sometimes I make an extra supper for my family and freeze it for a day that I’m going to need it in the future.
Some weeks we BH have a lot of guests and other weeks our meal is so small.
There so many things that we change and I LIke change. So I keep it flexible.
Flexibility with discipline. as our dear Rivky p taught us long ago.
Please ladies don’t be scared off by tips that don’t work for you.
Please ladies don’t give up when it works a while and then doesn’t work anymore.
Please share lovingly and respectfully and know we are all in this together to bring kavod back to erev shabbos and to bring shabbos into our whole week.
Together bezras Hashem we can help this work for all families
Yes. Really all families.
And to share Chatzos you don’t have to be perfect at it either Wink
So many women have started because of me and it helps me on the weeks i am slipping.
So today my table is set. A bunch of the food ready. Guest beds half ready. And best of all I’m typing this to my Chatzos sisters. Feeling like we are together struggling with wanting to do and be better.
And that I love so much.
The yearning to grow.
And I can’t say for sure but I have a good feeling that Hashem loves it too.
Keep trying. Smile and know how what ever you do for shabbos and for shalom in your home is a huge investment – for your own neshama. And for you whole family and really for all of klal yosrael.
Keep it up ladies!!!!!!
Ps. Just so you know type z is not really furthers from type a. Just turn around in a circle and there it is!!
But in still a type z and I have learned how to work WITH my nature and still grow. (Well maybe i am still on the process of learning, but BH I stopped trying to be someone else )